Dad Joke Collector Pillows

"Congratulations! You've told the same joke one thousand times!"

"Put the punster in with the mime."

"I don't ever want you taken away, son. Never get into subtraction."

'Must you find fault every time she brings a boyfriend home?'

'Sure I know what it's like to be in labor. I was once a union steward.'

"Is this fake noodle." "Yes, impasta."

"Why are you bring that?"

"Erm, excuse me? You're invading my personal space."

"No sign of Simba?"

Cry babies.

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

"Look, honey, I got dinner on line!"

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

"What do you call a person who only eats corn?"

Next to Nothing

'That's a picture of my granddad with shoulder length hair and a beard. That's why mom calls these albums hair looms.'

"I love my new tie! I'll wear it to work tomorrow." "The report'll be done shortly." "Excellent!"

'Finish your homework first, Og... then you can watch the wall.'

Hammer and chisel discussing what they've been doing, chisel says; 'Oh you know, getting into a few scrapes.'

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

"Sure was a lot of screaming for the happiest day of your life."

Note Book

"It's a dependent!"

"OK...what's the quickest way to the hospital?"

Looky... It's Bat'minton... I'll see myself out."

'Hey, dad, I taught the dog to sit!'

"Okay, I'll change your diaper, but you better not tell any of my patients."

Child on a schedule.

'Dad, I need help with chemistry, what's the periodic table?'

D-Day (Dad Day)

"Sergio, you are the best father in the world. Except, you know, when you're not."

"What happens if you get the headphones in the wrong ear?"

'This mandarin chicken is delicious, Dad. It tastes like you bought it yourself.'

"Oh no, the lectern and microphone. I get the feeling I'm getting another one of your boring life lectures."