Parenting Humor Collector Pillows

"What did I learn in school today? How should I know?"

'Just wait till your husband gets home!'

"Let me know when those two kids cross the street start crying."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Madonna of the Pukes.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

"I need to know who started it."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

Trick or Tweet

:Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"