Family Joke Enthusiast Pillows

"Old is when your daughter announces she's seeing a younger man."

"Christmas is about family ties."

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

Raised by Dogs

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

Suffering from Cooties?

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

Your Message on Your T-Shirt: 'Do As You Are Told!'

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

Turn off your car stereo before trying to start your kid's car.

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

MUM! I'll take the dog for a walk!

"So kids, you got work from your teachers right?"

"We've intended to ask you about it for some time, Doctor, but never got around to it."

"Get me away from this crazy person..."

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

"We're going to pay for your obedience school but after that you're on your own."