Family Humor Fanatic Pillows

'His father melted when he was very young.'

'Fine thanks, and how are things with you?'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

"Look what I found. Can we keep him?" "Wow! A real pirate!!" "Go ask your mother."

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

Suffering from Cooties?

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

Dad Trophies

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

"How many times have I told you kids to hang your coats in the closet?"

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"Okay, you scared the babysitter...now get back in there and rinse off that toothpaste, and go to bed!"

The Family Joules: Part 5

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

'I have a limited vocabulary because I'm a child, what's your excuse?'

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'