Family Comedy Enthusiast Pillows

Overly Interactive TV

"I need a Smartphone, Dad?"

'So, I think he's fine.'

"Why are you playing hide-and-seek in the stove!?! Don't shush me! This is my stove!"

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"Of course he's not our son. You wanted me to change the baby, didn't you?"

"We're having my mother-in-law for Christmas this year."

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

Emotion of Mr. Kenwigs on hearing the family news from Nicholas

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

Suffering from Cooties?

Graph Your Relatives!

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

'Look, Dad, I made a pair of boots out of your chest waders.'

"He is throwing another of his 'hissy fits' again!"

'We haven't had a family get-together like this since we were kids - Hey! Where are mum and dad?'

Growth Charts

"Dad's barbeucuing again so Mom's got the pizza place on speed dial."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"Hello? Guys? Okay, I've had a long day and I'm very tired, so no pranks this time. I'm serious... guys?!"

"I finally cleaned my room. You don't think she'll look in the yard, do you?"

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"