Family Humor Lover Pillows

"Hi, Dad. Investment banking wasn't that great after all."

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned susidiary of you and Mom?'

A baby is breast feeding and father asks mother:'So at what age is he going to realize that I exist?'

'How come grandma can have blue hair, but I can't?'

'Give it your best shot, Dad. I've had a hard day.'

'Now I look like Mummy!'

'You kids stop fighting or I swear, I will turn this banana around!'

"My God, it's your mother!"

"We're just pleased he can still get into the Christmas spirit."

'I'm busy. Can't you make it yourself?'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"When you said I'd 'Really clean up' when Grandma visits I didn't know you meant my room!"

Mythical Family of Four

"You're reading a book? Is something wrong with the TV?"

"That's Mary of Nazareth... She thinks her son walks on water!"

"No, I'm telling you, large families are great: you always have somebody to play with..."

"My dad also has a wireless controller. It's called mom."

"we may need to buy you a new hula hoop."

"Dad, let me show you how to open the childproof cap."

"I've decided to accept my legal counsel's advice and take the fifth."

Thanksgiving Turkey Escapes

"Honey, have you seen my energy drink? It was right by the soda."

"I'd no idea they were so powerful, can we get one for you mother?"

"Hello, dear. Come see what Junior learned in school today."

"Sure they love us, but once we turn 18 and are no longer a tax deduction, they'll tell us to move out!"

'She's a good listener!. . . she seems so intent on what we say.'

"Mom, all I did was fall off my bike and skin my knee."

'It's so embarrassing. My mother had my tadpole tail bronzed!'

'Just keep saying to yourself, 'I'm not a sexist, I'm not a sexist...''

'And where do you think YOU'RE going?!!!'

'What did Cain kill Abel over? The video game or the remote control?'

'... But I don't want to grow up to be 'big like Dad' , he's about six stone over weight! '

'Yeah, my Dad is so cool, so up to date with things: He's a dinosaur you see...'

"She took me for everything but I got the kids."

'Son, you're too old for pester power, why don't you go outside and get some peer pressure.'