Family Humor Enthusiasts Pillows

"Here's the deal: we call the shots when your're young, you call the shots when we're old, and everything in between is a non-stop battle for control."

'Son, your teacher told me that you're having trouble focusing and other things that I zoned out on...'

'...And this is our spare son in case the first one doesn't live up to expectations'

'Hang in there, buddy! It'll go fast. . . believe me, if you resist it'll only be worse!!. . . Some kids just have to learnt he hard way.'

"Can we take him back and have him supersized?"

"We've decided to elope."

"Honest, D-D-Dad. My report card's 'in the cloud.'"

Deaf grandmother

Warning. This cereal is energy-packed.

"What the...they bought another pet?!"

'For God's sake Mum - Stop rolling your eyes all the time.'

'He's got his Mums eyes and the Milkmans nose - Explain?'

Living with your mother makes waterboarding look easy.

An Aunt-and-Uncle Store...Similar to a mom-and-pop...but we keep our distance.

"Of course, you've always set a good example for me ... that's why you embarrass me so much."

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

Suffering from Cooties?

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

Dad Trophies

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

The Family Joules: Part 5

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."