Family Humor Enthusiasts Pillows

"Here's the deal: we call the shots when your're young, you call the shots when we're old, and everything in between is a non-stop battle for control."

'Son, your teacher told me that you're having trouble focusing and other things that I zoned out on...'

'...And this is our spare son in case the first one doesn't live up to expectations'

'Hang in there, buddy! It'll go fast. . . believe me, if you resist it'll only be worse!!. . . Some kids just have to learnt he hard way.'

"Can we take him back and have him supersized?"

"We've decided to elope."

"Honest, D-D-Dad. My report card's 'in the cloud.'"

Deaf grandmother

Warning. This cereal is energy-packed.

"What the...they bought another pet?!"

'For God's sake Mum - Stop rolling your eyes all the time.'

'He's got his Mums eyes and the Milkmans nose - Explain?'

Living with your mother makes waterboarding look easy.

An Aunt-and-Uncle Store...Similar to a mom-and-pop...but we keep our distance.

"Of course, you've always set a good example for me ... that's why you embarrass me so much."

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

Suffering from Cooties?

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

Dad Trophies

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"So kids, you got work from your teachers right?"