Family Humor Aficionados Pillows

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

Suffering from Cooties?

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

Dad Trophies

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

"We've intended to ask you about it for some time, Doctor, but never got around to it."

"So kids, you got work from your teachers right?"

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

"We're going to pay for your obedience school but after that you're on your own."

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

"I'm back. My family didn't want to spend more time with me."

'His dad was!'

'He didn't learn that from me!'

"Okay, just one story. Once upon a time, there was a naughty little boy who wouldn't go to sleep."

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

"Mom, when the baby's born, can I have the bubble wrap it's shipped in?"

"Remember this about new babysitters - making rules and enforcing them are two different things.".

'I want you to bring me one.'

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'

"I can't mow the lawn today. A bug just flew up my nose."