Family Humor Aficionado Pillows

"Big date tonight, Dad. Can I borrow the cardigan?"

"They say we can go there for Thanksgiving or they can cut us out of the will. Our choice,"

"Little sis, this blouse is so ugly I would puke if I put it on. Do you want it?"

"Dad's doing dinner tonight. You want yours in a box, bucket or bag?"

"My dad’s not home. This is Junior. Can I help you?"

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

"I wash my teeth came out like Grammie's....it sure would make it a lot easier to brush them!"

"You are not allowed to fall asleep in the recliner."

'NO, you cannot borrow Grandpa's bus pass!'

'If you can't say anything good about a person, you're probably my mother-in-law.'

'Grandpups? Get with it, Rodney, let's talk great-grandpups!'

"Mom, when the baby's born, can I have the bubble wrap it's shipped in?"

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's"

Father sees son blowing raspberry in wing mirror

"Can't I be here now later?"

"We're going to pay for your obedience school but after that you're on your own."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"Look what I found. Can we keep him?" "Wow! A real pirate!!" "Go ask your mother."

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

Suffering from Cooties?

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

Dad Trophies

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'