Family-centric Humor Lover Pillows

"Can we move to Connecticut? I'd like to be closer to my family."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

Suffering from Cooties?

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

Dad Trophies

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

"So kids, you got work from your teachers right?"

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

"We've intended to ask you about it for some time, Doctor, but never got around to it."

"We're going to pay for your obedience school but after that you're on your own."

"I'm back. My family didn't want to spend more time with me."

'I want you to bring me one.'

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'

"Okay, just one story. Once upon a time, there was a naughty little boy who wouldn't go to sleep."

'His dad was!'

Mummy?!

"But Mom, you said it was a pup tent!"

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

'He didn't learn that from me!'

"Remember this about new babysitters - making rules and enforcing them are two different things.".

"Young man, you go march your butt right back up those stairs and don't come down until you've made yourself look presentable!"