Fans Of Family Jokes Pillows

'Nothing much. Just some junk mail from your mother.'

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

Suffering from Cooties?

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

Raised by Dogs

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

Dad Trophies

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

"We're going to pay for your obedience school but after that you're on your own."

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

"So kids, you got work from your teachers right?"

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

"Okay, just one story. Once upon a time, there was a naughty little boy who wouldn't go to sleep."

"Remember this about new babysitters - making rules and enforcing them are two different things.".

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'

'I want you to bring me one.'

"Young man, you go march your butt right back up those stairs and don't come down until you've made yourself look presentable!"

"But Mom, you said it was a pup tent!"

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'