Fans Of Family Jokes Pillows

'Nothing much. Just some junk mail from your mother.'

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

Raised by Dogs

Suffering from Cooties?

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

Dad Trophies

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

"We're going to pay for your obedience school but after that you're on your own."

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

"So kids, you got work from your teachers right?"

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

"Remember this about new babysitters - making rules and enforcing them are two different things.".

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

"Young man, you go march your butt right back up those stairs and don't come down until you've made yourself look presentable!"

'Hey Dad, Mom's got a new hobby...still life painting...er, Dad?'

"Mom, when the baby's born, can I have the bubble wrap it's shipped in?"

"Okay, just one story. Once upon a time, there was a naughty little boy who wouldn't go to sleep."

Great job on the color! Thanks. It looks totally natural. Hi, Twig! Hey. Success! She didn't notice. "Mom dyed her hair with Gatorade."

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'