Family Joke Collector Pillows

'Have you seen a lady in a red dress without me?'

Whining SUV.

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

The Rooster Comedian.

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

Suffering from Cooties?

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

Useless add-ons.

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

Irritable trowel syndrome.

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

"They're not Levi Strauss - they're not Levi Tate."

"If you'd like to take a seat."

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

Mexican Jumping Balls.

Man takes picutre of other man holding up huge worm at Bait Shop.

Cheating Death.

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

'Alphabet soup? What's alphabet?'

Shark infested custard!

'Finish your homework first, Og... then you can watch the wall.'

My daddy ate my homework

Your Message on Your T-Shirt: 'Do As You Are Told!'

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

Psychiatrist - "Doctor, I keep imagining I'm being followed by an impersonator."