Funny Family Story Collector Pillows

'I have reason to believe that my sister is getting a bigger allowance than me. I think you and mom should be more forthcoming and transparent.'

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

'I never saw a tracer bullet that I didn't admire for color, clarity and swiftness.'

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

'Casey laughed so hard at lunch milk came out his nose...or as we say now... he had a liquid food malfunction.'

"I've been window-shopping..."

Newborn making the V-sign

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

"When my Tia Maggie got married, she wanted 8 kids...and her husband wanted 2 kids."

'Neat photo Lucy, I'll put it up in my room... Do you have any drawing pins?'

'-but the fire's on the GROUND floor!'

"I know about the tooth fairy, but I feel a bit young to be selling off my body parts!"

"There, there, dear. It's perfectly normal for a new bride on her wedding night to shit like a goose on her husband."

Whining SUV.

A frog catches an insect truck.

"As I call each of your names, please answer by saying 'Present'"

"That's your uncle Colin. He's the black sheep of the family."

'Hey mom, look! One of Dad's old report cards! Boy, has he got a lot of explaining to do!'

'It was owned by a little ol' lady who didn't drive it. She used a motor scooter on Saturdays.'

I've heard that you've beaten the Hare, so I've come to challenge you...

'I've known you a long time and it's time I told you the truth, I'm not really a person, I'm just a suit full of chickens..'

"The dish and the spoon? Huh. I did not see that coming."

Annual meeting of the American Telemedical Association.

'The following video contains scenes of swearing and violence' - Family holiday

Polygamist

Gingerbread man has picture of cook with chef's hat and spoon signed Mom on his desk.

Humpty's Mom

"Back in my day, we wore masks, stayed six feet apart, and lived for the moments in between panic attacks."