Quirky Story Collector Pillows

'No prince meets princess, prince saves princess and they live happily ever after again. Read me something about mutual funds and IRAs.'

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

After disposing of her husband, little did she know that he would be recycled and back for revenge.

'-but the fire's on the GROUND floor!'

This is definitely the last time I arrange a date over the internet.

'Struck by lightning, twice.'

MEN (room): 'According to my mom, it says, 'WEIRDO'.'

'I've known you a long time and it's time I told you the truth, I'm not really a person, I'm just a suit full of chickens..'

What I can't understand is who let them wear thongs in the first place?

Couples therapy

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

Larry's used art

Seagiraffes

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

Duck Hunt

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

"Sorry. I just find rotating my head helps me to relax during the test."

Raincloud Umbrella

Early cyborg.

Thinks he's too cool for school.

Best before 65 million BC.

"I don't know about you, but it always makes me feel kinda special."

"Trust me, this is as weird for me as it is for you."

Ice shelfie.

A man walks his dog wearing a cone.

"I don't think our smart home likes the color we painted it. It keeps spitting it out."

"Dear? The toothpaste is on the top shelf. Don't touch the tube on the bottom shelf, that's Grandma's triple strength epoxy denture adhesive."

"Oh, I'm thrilled with my new dog! He's sort of a hunter/retriever/plumber/electrician."

"Now, why didn't I think of that?"

'Anorak anoraks'.

A trevor of trainspotters