Collector Of Quirky Stories Pillows

'It was owned by a little ol' lady who didn't drive it. She used a motor scooter on Saturdays.'

Ghost puddle

'Oh, I don't have a problem, doc. My friend here has a problem.'

An early Picasso painting is sold at auction - it is a painting from when Picasso was a child

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

"Paper or plastic?"

Mafia Family Life: 'I'm sorry dear - but I had to bring some work home!'

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

Biliard Enthusiast

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

Cafe: 'Soup of the day, Hon, is 'primordial'.'

'I just found out my vintage Roy Rogers lunch box is worth more than my 401k.'

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

Ed Revere, Spam Courier

'I'd say your vision is being affected by an arrow through your head, but perhaps you'd like to get a second opinion from an eye specialist.'

"I've been window-shopping..."

'The stuff legends are made of'

Newton discovers surrealism

'I've been knocking for ages!'

'-but the fire's on the GROUND floor!'

I told you I lost it in the sun.

"There, there, dear. It's perfectly normal for a new bride on her wedding night to shit like a goose on her husband."

'Yes, he did turn into a price, but there were complications.'

A frog catches an insect truck.

"Grandpa! You have to let me put those under my pillow!"

Misfortune cookies

Tonight's specials are printed on the side of the barn. ? Bar.

'Blasphemous? Christ no!'

Uniporn

Be polite to your acupuncturist at all times. A basic life lesson hard learned.

Your DNA on a Stick

How about my dinner?

Woman in a card shop sees an 'Out Of Section' - Patience, Of Work, Nowhere, Your Mind.

'Hey, Fred, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?'