Collector Of Quirky Stories T-Shirts

'It was owned by a little ol' lady who didn't drive it. She used a motor scooter on Saturdays.'

'Oh, I don't have a problem, doc. My friend here has a problem.'

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

"Paper or plastic?"

Biliard Enthusiast

Mafia Family Life: 'I'm sorry dear - but I had to bring some work home!'

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

Ed Revere, Spam Courier

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

'I'd say your vision is being affected by an arrow through your head, but perhaps you'd like to get a second opinion from an eye specialist.'

"I've been window-shopping..."

Cafe: 'Soup of the day, Hon, is 'primordial'.'

'The stuff legends are made of'

Newton discovers surrealism

'-but the fire's on the GROUND floor!'

'I've been knocking for ages!'

"There, there, dear. It's perfectly normal for a new bride on her wedding night to shit like a goose on her husband."

A frog catches an insect truck.

'Yes, he did turn into a price, but there were complications.'

"Grandpa! You have to let me put those under my pillow!"

Misfortune cookies

'Blasphemous? Christ no!'

Uniporn

How about my dinner?

Woman in a card shop sees an 'Out Of Section' - Patience, Of Work, Nowhere, Your Mind.

'Hey, Fred, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?'

Your DNA on a Stick

'I've known you a long time and it's time I told you the truth, I'm not really a person, I'm just a suit full of chickens..'