Collector Of Stories T-Shirts

'He's not a patient. He's an antique collector. He's interested in the magazines in our waiting room.'

Prompts on the Antiques Roadshow.

"Grandpa! You have to let me put those under my pillow!"

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

The Poky Little Pupa.

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

Wicca Heritage Centre: Hansel and Gretel stayed here.

Fairy Library - Cinderella Marries the Prince

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

"I now pronounce you a partial place setting."

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

Marley had a little lamb

Rapunzcow

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Once, I tried to change the laces, and the Landmarks Commission came down on me like a ton of bricks."

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

Fairy Library - Hop o' my Thumb Title Page

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

"One blackbird pizza?"

Alice in Wonderland - Alice Meets the Cheshire Cat.

"Same hectic routine every damn year. Mind if I hang back with you?"

'Tom's always been the black sheep of the family.'

Newborn making the V-sign

'I don't remember ever having a good memory.'

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

Who's Dead

"I forgive you, Bumpty."

"And then the three bears were slowly forced out of the neighborhood due to major corporations cornering the market—The once cozy cottage is now an Air B&B." "The end."

"When they assured me the solar panels would look like crackers, I said "What the hell!"'