Novel Story Collector T-Shirts

"The surgery went well but we'll have to open you up again. I'm going to need my watch."

Clown on bike.

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

Hay Rides $10

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

"That's five votes for In The Midst of Winter....three votes for The Hollow Ground....and, again, one vote for Moby-Dick."

Fossil record player.

'The pile of unread books by the bed looks bigger than the futon...'

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

The Slug Replaces the Cheetah as the Fastest Animal on Earth.

Wicca Heritage Centre: Hansel and Gretel stayed here.

A crab with a utility knife claw

Fairy Library - Cinderella Marries the Prince

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

'Wait! That's not one of your novelty slippers...that's the cat!'

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

'Each one is signed and numbered.'

Rapunzcow

"But I've seen a million wind-up monkeys. Wait! Did you say it bangs on a snare drum?"

Lavatory Waterfall

Redlaw and the Phantom

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

"I went with weirdness over quantity this year."

"Once, I tried to change the laces, and the Landmarks Commission came down on me like a ton of bricks."

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

"And when the extended warranty kicks in, we send you a big can of new car smell."

Fairy Library - Hop o' my Thumb Title Page

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."