Novel Story Collector T-Shirts

"The surgery went well but we'll have to open you up again. I'm going to need my watch."

Clown on bike.

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

The Poky Little Pupa.

Hay Rides $10

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

"That's five votes for In The Midst of Winter....three votes for The Hollow Ground....and, again, one vote for Moby-Dick."

"Yes, I said bring me the king. . .But not that king."

Fossil record player.

'The pile of unread books by the bed looks bigger than the futon...'

The Slug Replaces the Cheetah as the Fastest Animal on Earth.

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

Wicca Heritage Centre: Hansel and Gretel stayed here.

A crab with a utility knife claw

Fairy Library - Cinderella Marries the Prince

"I now pronounce you a partial place setting."

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

'Wait! That's not one of your novelty slippers...that's the cat!'

Marley had a little lamb

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

'Each one is signed and numbered.'

Lavatory Waterfall

"But I've seen a million wind-up monkeys. Wait! Did you say it bangs on a snare drum?"

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

Rapunzcow

Redlaw and the Phantom

"I went with weirdness over quantity this year."

"Once, I tried to change the laces, and the Landmarks Commission came down on me like a ton of bricks."

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

Fairy Library - Hop o' my Thumb Title Page

"And when the extended warranty kicks in, we send you a big can of new car smell."