Quirky Collector Of Tales T-Shirts

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Define fair."

7 More Dwarfs

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

How I met your mother

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

Chicken Funeral Planning.

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'

'Miss Wilson, get on the web and find me everything on bottles!'

Hog Futures

"Same hectic routine every damn year. Mind if I hang back with you?"

"Come with us to see the wizard. He can find you a brain!"

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

Centaur falls in love.

"I hate to spoil your porridge, but your son has a blonde in his room."

'-but the fire's on the GROUND floor!'

"I'm so glad you suggested we insert his heart on Valentine's Day!"

"It's just thrived since I let it have Harry!"

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

"Well, he's a squirrel, so yes, he's a hoarder, but that does not help come Winter: he hoards books, not nuts!"

'Remember the book about the scary monsters, Honey? Well, your father's relatives can't hurt you, either.'

'I've been knocking for ages!'

'He said, but for you he wouldn't have stuck your credit card to the roof of his mouth in the first place...'

'Excuse me officer. I'd like to report a U.F.O. sighting!'

"Tarantino's here! Everybody run!"

'...and I see dozens, no, hundreds of dirty socks lying on the floor! And I see windowless cars filled with injured squirrels and blind cats, who take you to an oasis of bacon bits...'