Quirky Collector Of Tales Gifts

Ghost puddle

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Define fair."

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

How I met your mother

7 More Dwarfs

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

"Same hectic routine every damn year. Mind if I hang back with you?"

Chicken Funeral Planning.

"I hate to spoil your porridge, but your son has a blonde in his room."

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

Hog Futures

'Miss Wilson, get on the web and find me everything on bottles!'

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'

"Come with us to see the wizard. He can find you a brain!"

Centaur falls in love.

'-but the fire's on the GROUND floor!'

"Well, he's a squirrel, so yes, he's a hoarder, but that does not help come Winter: he hoards books, not nuts!"

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

"I'm so glad you suggested we insert his heart on Valentine's Day!"

"It's just thrived since I let it have Harry!"

'I've been knocking for ages!'

'Remember the book about the scary monsters, Honey? Well, your father's relatives can't hurt you, either.'

'He said, but for you he wouldn't have stuck your credit card to the roof of his mouth in the first place...'

'Excuse me officer. I'd like to report a U.F.O. sighting!'

Frankenstein makes Pinocchio