Quirky Anecdote Collector Pillows

'You're not going to believe this,Doc!'

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

"I've put every one of those vital master copies through here, and it took ages. Where do the copies come out?"

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

"I've been window-shopping..."

'I'd say your vision is being affected by an arrow through your head, but perhaps you'd like to get a second opinion from an eye specialist.'

'Beer? Wassat then?'

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

Newton discovers surrealism

'-but the fire's on the GROUND floor!'

'I wonder if I should add this to my resume.'

'Ferguson's not at his desk -- He must be sleepwalking again!'

A frog catches an insect truck.

'Nobody told me anything about pre-registraton!'

"We never have any activities that make for cute anecdotes anymore."

"There, there, dear. It's perfectly normal for a new bride on her wedding night to shit like a goose on her husband."

'For best results, squeeze from the bottom.'

"Lassie is merely billed as America's best-loved dog."

'Somebody spiked the punch!'

"Ha, ha, wait … so Cheryl from accounting, ha, ha, ha, is your, ha, ha, wife?!!"

'It was owned by a little ol' lady who didn't drive it. She used a motor scooter on Saturdays.'

Uniporn

'I've known you a long time and it's time I told you the truth, I'm not really a person, I'm just a suit full of chickens..'

'Could you just sign it 'Bobby'.'

"We'd like to go somewhere that will provide us with a rich source of after dinner anecdotes!"

"I don't care what the pet store salesman claimed. I don't think there's a 'well-camouflaged' chameleon on that leash."

"There's Colonel Clapworthy alone with his memories - dirty old devil!"

'I'm Dr. Pooches and I'll be your den...Oh, boy.'

Franklin Pierce

"Just get over there and let me get a picture."

'The danger of similar packaging.'

Golly, only about ten bucks in charge...less than I thought.