Quirky Anecdote Collector Gifts

'You're not going to believe this,Doc!'

Ghost puddle

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

"I've put every one of those vital master copies through here, and it took ages. Where do the copies come out?"

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

"I've been window-shopping..."

'Beer? Wassat then?'

'I'd say your vision is being affected by an arrow through your head, but perhaps you'd like to get a second opinion from an eye specialist.'

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

Newton discovers surrealism

'-but the fire's on the GROUND floor!'

'I wonder if I should add this to my resume.'

I told you I lost it in the sun.

'Ferguson's not at his desk -- He must be sleepwalking again!'

'Nobody told me anything about pre-registraton!'

"There, there, dear. It's perfectly normal for a new bride on her wedding night to shit like a goose on her husband."

A frog catches an insect truck.

"We never have any activities that make for cute anecdotes anymore."

'For best results, squeeze from the bottom.'

'Somebody spiked the punch!'

"Lassie is merely billed as America's best-loved dog."

'I've known you a long time and it's time I told you the truth, I'm not really a person, I'm just a suit full of chickens..'

"Ha, ha, wait … so Cheryl from accounting, ha, ha, ha, is your, ha, ha, wife?!!"

Uniporn

'It was owned by a little ol' lady who didn't drive it. She used a motor scooter on Saturdays.'

"I don't care what the pet store salesman claimed. I don't think there's a 'well-camouflaged' chameleon on that leash."

"There's Colonel Clapworthy alone with his memories - dirty old devil!"

'I'm Dr. Pooches and I'll be your den...Oh, boy.'

'Could you just sign it 'Bobby'.'

"We'd like to go somewhere that will provide us with a rich source of after dinner anecdotes!"

Franklin Pierce

"Just get over there and let me get a picture."

'This says that under certain conditions cows become combustible... I'd hate to be one of those.'