Anecdote Collector Gifts

"We never have any activities that make for cute anecdotes anymore."

"We'd like to go somewhere that will provide us with a rich source of after dinner anecdotes!"

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

Hot cross buns

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

Ask Sadie! I just read an article where Daisy Ridley said J.J. Abrams wrote drafts for Episode VIII and Episode IX. And then Rian Johnson THREW THAT OUT and went a whole different direction. This makes me lose all faith in Star Wars. Am I overreacting? **Actual reader question. Excellent question. This reminds me of the time I saw Gone with the Wind on opening day. I was the invited guest of an elderly veteran of the Civil War. He couldn't stop yammering about how seceding from the union didn't

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

Who's Dead

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

'I don't remember ever having a good memory.'

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

'Tom's always been the black sheep of the family.'

"I've been window-shopping..."

"At first I thought it was just coincidence, then I noticed it corresponded perfectly to your shift."

Newton discovers surrealism

"I've seen a lot in my time, Ted, but it was always from the cheap seats."

Lore and legend of the Pennypackers

Master Humphrey's visionary friends

"Back in my day there weren't any delivery trucks, distribution centers and fancy computers! We just hopped door-to-door until our feet bled!"

"I am reminded of a morbidly depressing anecdote. . ."

' You shouldn't believe everything you read in the fairy stories.'

A frog catches an insect truck.

"Grandpa! You have to let me put those under my pillow!"

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

"Without the drone we wouldn't have made it on time!"

'It was owned by a little ol' lady who didn't drive it. She used a motor scooter on Saturdays.'

"Lassie is merely billed as America's best-loved dog."

Queen Ranavola of Madagascar executed any of her subjects who appeared in her dreams....

"She was this tall with curly blonde hair Officer: She ate our porridge and broke our furniture..."

'I'd like now to introduce Len who will tell slightly humourous stories in his inimicable self-serving way,'

"I just invented this. I call it "freezer bag"."

Napkin Writer

Ramblers Association

Homeless man's sign: 'Will sell book & movie rights to the story of my downfall for a cool million.'