Awkward Anecdote Enthusiast Gifts

"Ha, ha, wait … so Cheryl from accounting, ha, ha, ha, is your, ha, ha, wife?!!"

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

'The next piece contains sex, violence, and Homeric epithets.'

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

'Caesar salad?'

Hot cross buns

"Ma'am, why don't you go ahead of me?" "Um... no thanks. Let's let this gentleman go ahead of us." "Oh, no... you ladies go right ahead!"

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

Ask Sadie! I just read an article where Daisy Ridley said J.J. Abrams wrote drafts for Episode VIII and Episode IX. And then Rian Johnson THREW THAT OUT and went a whole different direction. This makes me lose all faith in Star Wars. Am I overreacting? **Actual reader question. Excellent question. This reminds me of the time I saw Gone with the Wind on opening day. I was the invited guest of an elderly veteran of the Civil War. He couldn't stop yammering about how seceding from the union didn't

Whilst browsing in his local flea market, Jimmy has an awkward encounter with an ex.

"I've been window-shopping..."

Newton discovers surrealism

Barry Cryer.

'Maybe you need to practice walking.'

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

'Ah, it seems that I've completely misjudged the mood of the evening.'

Lore and legend of the Pennypackers

"She feeds me the same stuff every single day, yet I can't help approaching it like I have NO idea what it could possibly be!"

"I am reminded of a morbidly depressing anecdote. . ."

'I was chatting with Krog when, out of the blue, that thing fell on him.'

"Without the drone we wouldn't have made it on time!"

Paddlithic Period

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

"It's elephants who never forget. Elephant seals forget all the time."

'Ferguson's not at his desk -- He must be sleepwalking again!'

'I've never felt like this on a first date, Tom, you're suffocating me.'

Anecdote Magazine

"I just invented this. I call it "freezer bag"."

"If it weren't for lobby security tapes I wouldn't even know I had a bald spot on the top of my head."

Rudy, I went out on a date last night. It was a miserable failure. Sorry. As my employee, you've seen me day in and day out. You know me better than anyone. Rudy, do I, your boss and sole source of income, have some personality flaw? Or did the fault lie with my date. Feel free to speak candidly. Mother.

'I'd like now to introduce Len who will tell slightly humourous stories in his inimicable self-serving way,'

The originator of the office birthday party.