Awkward Anecdote Enthusiast Pillows

"Ha, ha, wait … so Cheryl from accounting, ha, ha, ha, is your, ha, ha, wife?!!"

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

'The next piece contains sex, violence, and Homeric epithets.'

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

'Caesar salad?'

Hot cross buns

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

"I've been window-shopping..."

Newton discovers surrealism

'Ah, it seems that I've completely misjudged the mood of the evening.'

'Maybe you need to practice walking.'

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

Lore and legend of the Pennypackers

"She feeds me the same stuff every single day, yet I can't help approaching it like I have NO idea what it could possibly be!"

"I am reminded of a morbidly depressing anecdote. . ."

'Ferguson's not at his desk -- He must be sleepwalking again!'

"It's elephants who never forget. Elephant seals forget all the time."

Paddlithic Period

"Without the drone we wouldn't have made it on time!"

'I was chatting with Krog when, out of the blue, that thing fell on him.'

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

'I've never felt like this on a first date, Tom, you're suffocating me.'

Anecdote Magazine

'I'd like now to introduce Len who will tell slightly humourous stories in his inimicable self-serving way,'

"If it weren't for lobby security tapes I wouldn't even know I had a bald spot on the top of my head."

"I just invented this. I call it "freezer bag"."

The originator of the office birthday party.

Napkin Writer