Collector Of Funny Anecdotes Pillows

"I've been window-shopping..."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'Bert's dog training.'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

"Eat me"

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

Cake Free Zone

A watch face with Stonehenge

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

"Fantastic! Do you realize what we've just stumbled upon? It's the fabled Lost Glove Compartment of the Ancient Astronauts!"

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

Man falls in water Title: 'Willis was always an overachiever.'

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.

Whatís that, boy? Youíre too tired for a walk and you just want to watch TV?

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

Mexican Jumping Balls.

'Forget worms. Think fast food.'

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

Clown to clown on unicycle: 'How does it corner?'

Bathroom Fairy

Vanna White: The Later Years.