Collector Of Funny Anecdotes Mugs

"I've been window-shopping..."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'Bert's dog training.'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

"Eat me"

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

Cake Free Zone

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.

"Fantastic! Do you realize what we've just stumbled upon? It's the fabled Lost Glove Compartment of the Ancient Astronauts!"

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

A watch face with Stonehenge

Man falls in water Title: 'Willis was always an overachiever.'

Easter Island Shades...

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

Whatís that, boy? Youíre too tired for a walk and you just want to watch TV?

'Forget worms. Think fast food.'

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

Vanna White: The Later Years.

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

Clown to clown on unicycle: 'How does it corner?'

Bathroom Fairy

Mexican Jumping Balls.