Lover Of Humorous Anecdotes Pillows

"He thought he named a star after me, but it was only a piece of flaming space junk."

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

"I've been window-shopping..."

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

Newton discovers surrealism

Fish to friend regarding third fish leaving Precambrian ocean: 'There's been no living with him since he started to evolve.'

'How was your luck, dear?'

Florist delivers Cactus to Man on Bed of Nails

"Excuse me, officer, but I believe I'm entitled to one mating call..."

Lore and legend of the Pennypackers

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have a bit of trouble with those in the back yard.'

"I am reminded of a morbidly depressing anecdote. . ."

'Ferguson's not at his desk -- He must be sleepwalking again!'

'You could have just TOLD me we were out of cups!'

'Pavlov's first experiment'

'....and how big was this bee, Sir?'

The first step is losing the illusion that you're in control of your actions.

"The Pain may be due to your Yin and Yang being out of alignment, but humour me and lets see if your broken let is part of the problem."

Meeting Melanie's parents suddenly turns awkward.

Dentist preparing woodwork drill for dentistry.

'It was owned by a little ol' lady who didn't drive it. She used a motor scooter on Saturdays.'

"I don't know about turning, but I was tossing all night."

Napkin Writer

"I just invented this. I call it "freezer bag"."

"This one allows release of your information to a sitcom."

"You will meet a tall, dark stranger. Unfortunately, it's a grizzly bear!"

He began with an anecdote, spoke off the cuff, digressed from an aside, and flew off on a tangent.

"Believe me, you don't want to know where it all comes from."

"The catch is you only get one chopstick"

"There's Colonel Clapworthy alone with his memories - dirty old devil!"

'Could you just sign it 'Bobby'.'

"All day, every day—'There's a goddam fly in here!' It's so hurtful."

"You might like my daughter. She's single and desperate too."

"OK, he's hooked–now reel him in."

'Something's wrong here.'