Collector Of Funny Moments Pillows

'When you asked for my panties I thought you had something else in mind besides blowing your nose.'

"Why must teenage boys be so messy? Eh? What's this? Dios mio! It can't be... Baldo...would never do this!"

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Bert's dog training.'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"What the hell took so long?"

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

"Eat me"

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

Cake Free Zone

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

"Fantastic! Do you realize what we've just stumbled upon? It's the fabled Lost Glove Compartment of the Ancient Astronauts!"

A watch face with Stonehenge

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

Man falls in water Title: 'Willis was always an overachiever.'

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

Whatís that, boy? Youíre too tired for a walk and you just want to watch TV?

Vanna White: The Later Years.

'Forget worms. Think fast food.'

Clown to clown on unicycle: 'How does it corner?'

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

Bathroom Fairy

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."