Humor Collector Pillows

Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses - No soliciting.

"You're lucky, Dave. You have talent."

"It was an accident."

One of the lesser known joys of being a fencing instructor.

'Please, sir -- ten bucks more and I can sign up for a fund-raising course at the university!'

"We should've stayed on land, and grown feet and kicked ass."

'I can't stand hay fever season.'

"Just relax completely..don't worry if you don't understand everything, that will just be because you're stupid."

Stroke...stroke...stroke...stroke...stroke...

"What? No fire insurance? Good thing I'm here!"

One of the Dangers of Childhood Obesity

Fake Diplomas

Vacuum Cleaner Plugged Into Pig's Nose.

"It ain't easy, Doc. There's a lot of pier pressure."

'We're getting closer - That's a goldfish.'

'Dude! How many years have we been here? It's still fake. The plants are fake. Get a grip!'

It's The Highway For People Who Hate To Drive

The Old West

September Song.

"How can we get away from it all if you're bringing it all with you?"

'Take my advice kid. Enjoy yourself now, because once you get married, your free ranging days are over.'

'They say he's very friendly with the Governor.'

30% Heredity, 70% Environment

Man comes across desert island which has an ATM.

'Don't worry about this meeting. I got everything we need right up here.'

'Do you have any 'Congratulations on Your Presidential Pardon's' cards?'

"Water...Water...Would you be interested in a two for one offer?"

Owl reading 'Who's Who': 'WHOOOO?'

"Let's try it again. Hand over your wallet, and this time, don't try anything funny."

"See what happens when you square the clubface?"

Elevator buttons : Rare, Medium, Well done.

"It's a generic present Doctor - it isn't a brand name, but it is whisky."

'First, you have to admit you have a gambling problem!'

'What doctors really write on prescriptions.'

With Gas Prices Out of Sight, Santa Uses an Alternative Fuel Source.