Vintage Humor Collector Pillows

"Don't panic Daisy dear. You can relax your buttocks, it's not the vet, it's the chimney sweep."

Generosity Unparalleled

"I keep telling you, it's running on the nights and weekends schedule!"

Trilby - 'Les glougloux du vin a quat' sous...'

'next time remember to put the lid back on the superglue!'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'Bert's dog training.'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

"Eat me"

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

Cake Free Zone

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

"Fantastic! Do you realize what we've just stumbled upon? It's the fabled Lost Glove Compartment of the Ancient Astronauts!"

A watch face with Stonehenge

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

Man falls in water Title: 'Willis was always an overachiever.'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

Whatís that, boy? Youíre too tired for a walk and you just want to watch TV?

'Forget worms. Think fast food.'

'Sigh! So that's what love is all about...'

'The village's oldest inhabitant? We did have one, but he died.'

Vanna White: The Later Years.

Clown to clown on unicycle: 'How does it corner?'

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'