Vintage Joke Collector Pillows

"I can't tell a lie, Samantha. I'm a two bird bloke."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

The Rooster Comedian.

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'Bert's dog training.'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

Suffering from Cooties?

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

Cake Free Zone

Useless add-ons.

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

"Eat me"

Irritable trowel syndrome.

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

A watch face with Stonehenge

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner