Joke Collectors Pillows

"What I wouldn't give to be a fly on a different wall."

'You're right - the dog did eat your homework.'

"I just need enough to file bankruptcy."

"Hey, you're cute, you must give me your number."

'OKay, we're going in - remember where we parked!'

'What a gyp! Yesterday, after I got fixed, I put my testicles under my pillow, and all I got was a quarter!'

'Man, they sure know how to rub it in.'

"I plagiarized my report because I thought it bears repeating."

The Chemist Comedian Comedy Hour

'Being sick can sure affect your grades. The kid I cheat off of has been out all week.'

"The reason I feel run-down is because I ..was run down by a car while jogging!"

'Oh Hank, you say that now but once you have one it'll change your life.'

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'

Actual Ticks and Tacks.

'Never say 'let's dye a hundred eggs'. You'll be eating your words for weeks.'

"...and these are my children, Risk and Benefit."

'Impressive...you've got walking.'

'When I was young, we didn't have sissy fish ladders!'

'Your car's ready, but drive carefully for awhile. I had to give the student an 'F' for the work he did on it.'

'Not the bananas - the rope.'

"Enough already. I believe you can do my time standing on your head."

"I'm not having palpitations right now, but I think we can recreate them by telling me my copay."

"We did find a creative bone in your body, but it was very untalented."

Chicken Road Crossing

"Remember, when you score all hell will break loose!"

Jump The Queue

"What's wrong with the computer you've got?"

"Here's the sick squid I owe you. . ."

"You're a great plummer, but those skills won't help you with fixing you computer. So put the plunger away and call a professional."

"Say what you will about cruises, but that buffet was amazing."

"I have butterflies in my stomach."

'Yes, I would like to take you up on your offer of easy-to-open replacement windows.'

Phobia varietals for home pots

"I guess laughter isn't the best medicine after all."

"The grossest thing you can imagine is being shoved feet first into an 'icky' spiderweb...are you kidding me?"