Joke Collector Pillows

Senior Mints

'Someday I'm going to quite this dam job.'

"The judicial rulings are over here. That section is all lawyer jokes."

"Sell all my stocks and buy lots of old comic books instead!"

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. The anesthesiologist is on vacation."

"Please don't tell me they're making broth."

'The good news is, you have money up the wazoo. The bad news is, you're constipated.'

"I give up. What's black and white and red all over?"

INTELLIGENCE TESTING IS IN THE NEXT ROOM, 'Hi -- Where do I go to take the intelligence test?'

"Of course I don't have your shoes...you told me you wanted them re-sold."

"I believe they're a debt collection agency."

"See, I told you sharks don't attack lawyers. It's a respect thing."

Department of Health and Safety: Knock (but not too loudly or you may suffer knuckle bruising) And Enter (Beware of tripping over the fireproof carpet).

Batteries talking - "Okay what's the charge? Assault and battery? I've got contacts you know."

Melted ice cream van

'This is going to hurt me more than it is you.. I've got Arthritis on my shoulder.'

'I've used up all my sick-leave. I'm going to have to call in dead!'

Ok, Mr. Lipshy... What about now? Better or worse?

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

"It's my knee, Doctor. It's still giving me problems."

'What you need is liquidity.'

"These days it takes me an hour just to have a premature ejaculation."

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'Yeah, like I've never heard that one before. If I had a dollar for every cloud computing joke I've heard...'

'I thought you'd be better at multitasking.'

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'I'm not comfortable with his method of fixing our balance sheet.'

"The doctor went a little too far during your endoscopy."

'A guard's coming! Quick, fill in the hole!'

"Good news...turns out it was just your battery!"

>Enter new password: BEEF STEW >Password not stroganoff.

'Everytime the lawyers tell their old jokes they end up arguing over copyright infringement.'

'I thought this thing had been tried and tested.' 'It has... Didn't work that time either.'

'What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?'

"April Fool's on her!"