Joke Collector Gifts

Senior Mints

'I'm not supposed to lick myself either.'

'Someday I'm going to quite this dam job.'

"The judicial rulings are over here. That section is all lawyer jokes."

"Sell all my stocks and buy lots of old comic books instead!"

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. The anesthesiologist is on vacation."

Why the chicken really crossed the road. . .

"Please don't tell me they're making broth."

'The good news is, you have money up the wazoo. The bad news is, you're constipated.'

"I give up. What's black and white and red all over?"

INTELLIGENCE TESTING IS IN THE NEXT ROOM, 'Hi -- Where do I go to take the intelligence test?'

Irish Pilates.

"I believe they're a debt collection agency."

"See, I told you sharks don't attack lawyers. It's a respect thing."

"Of course I don't have your shoes...you told me you wanted them re-sold."

Batteries talking - "Okay what's the charge? Assault and battery? I've got contacts you know."

Department of Health and Safety: Knock (but not too loudly or you may suffer knuckle bruising) And Enter (Beware of tripping over the fireproof carpet).

"These days it takes me an hour just to have a premature ejaculation."

Melted ice cream van

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'I've used up all my sick-leave. I'm going to have to call in dead!'

Ok, Mr. Lipshy... What about now? Better or worse?

"It's my knee, Doctor. It's still giving me problems."

'What you need is liquidity.'

'Yeah, like I've never heard that one before. If I had a dollar for every cloud computing joke I've heard...'

'I thought you'd be better at multitasking.'

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'This is going to hurt me more than it is you.. I've got Arthritis on my shoulder.'

>Enter new password: BEEF STEW >Password not stroganoff.

'A guard's coming! Quick, fill in the hole!'

'I thought this thing had been tried and tested.' 'It has... Didn't work that time either.'

"The doctor went a little too far during your endoscopy."

'I'm not comfortable with his method of fixing our balance sheet.'

'Everytime the lawyers tell their old jokes they end up arguing over copyright infringement.'