Retro Humor Collector Pillows

"I think men over thirty-six are very distinguished."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'Bert's dog training.'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

WW2 fighter pilot with emoji kills

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

"Eat me"

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

Cake Free Zone

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

Man falls in water Title: 'Willis was always an overachiever.'

"Fantastic! Do you realize what we've just stumbled upon? It's the fabled Lost Glove Compartment of the Ancient Astronauts!"

A watch face with Stonehenge

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

Whatís that, boy? Youíre too tired for a walk and you just want to watch TV?

'The village's oldest inhabitant? We did have one, but he died.'

Bathroom Fairy

'Forget worms. Think fast food.'

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

Vanna White: The Later Years.

Clown to clown on unicycle: 'How does it corner?'