Humor Collector Gifts

Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses - No soliciting.

"You're lucky, Dave. You have talent."

One of the lesser known joys of being a fencing instructor.

"It was an accident."

'Please, sir -- ten bucks more and I can sign up for a fund-raising course at the university!'

"We should've stayed on land, and grown feet and kicked ass."

'I can't stand hay fever season.'

Stroke...stroke...stroke...stroke...stroke...

"Just relax completely..don't worry if you don't understand everything, that will just be because you're stupid."

One of the Dangers of Childhood Obesity

Fake Diplomas

"It ain't easy, Doc. There's a lot of pier pressure."

It's The Highway For People Who Hate To Drive

September Song.

'We're getting closer - That's a goldfish.'

'Dude! How many years have we been here? It's still fake. The plants are fake. Get a grip!'

'Do you have any 'Congratulations on Your Presidential Pardon's' cards?'

'Take my advice kid. Enjoy yourself now, because once you get married, your free ranging days are over.'

"See what happens when you square the clubface?"

"Water...Water...Would you be interested in a two for one offer?"

30% Heredity, 70% Environment

Owl reading 'Who's Who': 'WHOOOO?'

"It's a generic present Doctor - it isn't a brand name, but it is whisky."

'Don't worry about this meeting. I got everything we need right up here.'

'They say he's very friendly with the Governor.'

"Let's try it again. Hand over your wallet, and this time, don't try anything funny."

"How can we get away from it all if you're bringing it all with you?"

Man comes across desert island which has an ATM.

Elevator buttons : Rare, Medium, Well done.

'Wait a minute,' thought Bob. 'This isn't my book. And those aren't my hands.'

"This is exciting! My first marathon."

'First, you have to admit you have a gambling problem!'

If the pilgrims landed today...

'Tommorow will be even brighter than today, thanks to my new anti-depressant...'

'What doctors really write on prescriptions.'