Funny Memories Collector Pillows

'The following video contains scenes of swearing and violence' - Family holiday

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

The Rooster Comedian.

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'Bert's dog training.'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

Useless add-ons.

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

Cake Free Zone

Suffering from Cooties?

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"Eat me"

Irritable trowel syndrome.

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Fantastic! Do you realize what we've just stumbled upon? It's the fabled Lost Glove Compartment of the Ancient Astronauts!"