Modern Jokers Pillows

'Why don't we make it simple this year, and you just extend me a line of credit?'

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

'What do you like about winter? I like these crisp, cold morning walks in the glistening snow.' 'I like how you can keep your extra beer outside.'

'If someone farts in the forest and there's no one around to smell it, does it make a stink?'

Photobooth Photobomb

Richard the Turd

'Bummer Dude! No waves. Moondoggie punked me!'

Giggle.

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

'How could I have missed these? I took a multivitamin.'

'In a slight change to the programme, the second year jazz quartet aren't playing 'Hello Dolly'. They are however playing truant!'

National Optometrists Association. O.K., whose idea was it to form a focus group?…

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

An Early Ventriloquist Meets His Future Dummy

Artist Painting his Television.

"Kayakers Fred! Let's surface next to them and check the look on their faces!"

'The truth is, Gorillas don't even like bananas...They just love pratfalls.'

"We're having a problem naming him. All the domain names we like are already taken!"

Santa entering a pool for a swim

'That's what I said,dear-your dinner's in the chippie..'

Santa School.

"Oh that's just great! You remembered how to make fire. I'm so impressed!"

To save space, we eliminated hallways and doors, by adding catwalk and ladders.

How electric eels "welcome" door-to-door salesmen

'And make sure you use the AUTOMATED teller, you old goat!'

'Derek knew that someone, somewhere must have designed a car with a shopping basket.'

The Gardener's Calendar: If your fish pool is covered with ice...make a hole in it.

Watch for Men Being Supid

How to avoid a heart attack.

"I took your advice."

'Don't worry, fifty something is the new thirty something.'

'O.K. people, it's time to test our work...'

'Nope! Wrong again! Let's try it again... around and around... now which cup is your nitroglycerin tablet under?'

Pinata Pranks

'No cup holder?'