Home Office Jokers Pillows

"What do you mean work from home? I'm a pickpocket."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

Another day at work would be one too many...

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tick, tock-tock, tickety-tick tock ….

'Bad news, sir -- there's a leak in our think tank!'

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

"I'm working from home today."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

Man at computer at sports company wears sweat band on head.

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'