Household Humor Lover Pillows

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'I've done the washing up - Do we have any glue?'

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"Were we expecting a baby?"

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

"Mulch madness"

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'How many times do I have to tell you about putting the toilet seat back up?'

"The blow drier is broken."

'He'll do the dishes now that I've attached an accelerator.'

"Okay, just one story. Once upon a time, there was a naughty little boy who wouldn't go to sleep."

Search for Missing Socks

'Maybe putting 'Sleep 20 Hours A Day' first on the list wasn't such a good idea.'

'Harold, I told you not to eat the last piece of pie!'

'Certainly you may come in for a drink. You live here.'

'How long did you try before calling?'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

"Sure they love us, but once we turn 18 and are no longer a tax deduction, they'll tell us to move out!"

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

'You kids stop fighting or I swear, I will turn this banana around!'

"...I love the smell of an uncut lawn."

Hi love...one less for tea tonight

"Grandma is really nice but she makes a mean cookie."