Household Humor Lover Pillows

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'I've done the washing up - Do we have any glue?'

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

"Mulch madness"

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

"And I suppose you forgot to bring home the milk."

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

'He'll do the dishes now that I've attached an accelerator.'

"The blow drier is broken."

"Okay, just one story. Once upon a time, there was a naughty little boy who wouldn't go to sleep."

'How many times do I have to tell you about putting the toilet seat back up?'

Search for Missing Socks

'Maybe putting 'Sleep 20 Hours A Day' first on the list wasn't such a good idea.'

'Harold, I told you not to eat the last piece of pie!'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'Certainly you may come in for a drink. You live here.'

"Sure they love us, but once we turn 18 and are no longer a tax deduction, they'll tell us to move out!"

'How long did you try before calling?'

Is your homework finished? It's almost a snow day. No way

"I told you not to leave without taking out the garbage!"

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

'You kids stop fighting or I swear, I will turn this banana around!'

Hi love...one less for tea tonight