Household Humor Lovers Pillows

Henry Persil

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"Mulch madness"

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

"So kids, you got work from your teachers right?"

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'How many times do I have to tell you about putting the toilet seat back up?'

'He'll do the dishes now that I've attached an accelerator.'

"The blow drier is broken."

Search for Missing Socks

'Maybe putting 'Sleep 20 Hours A Day' first on the list wasn't such a good idea.'

'It's a new record, mom - there are six of us in here!'

'Harold, I told you not to eat the last piece of pie!'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'Certainly you may come in for a drink. You live here.'

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

"Honest, D-D-Dad. My report card's 'in the cloud.'"

"I’ve changed my mind. I no longer want to conquer the world. I just want to conquer those two..."

"For God's sake! Let the man have his simple pleasures."

'George, I can't sleep with a window shade flapping! Get up and fix it!'

Hi love...one less for tea tonight

'My wife used too much fabric softener.'

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

'Be sure to bring home your divots so you can patch the bare spots in our lawn.'