Domestic Hilarity Enthusiast Pillows

"Don't panic, it's not your dinner, it's the television."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"Mulch madness"

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"What's all this?"

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

'How many times do I have to tell you about putting the toilet seat back up?'

"The blow drier is broken."

'He'll do the dishes now that I've attached an accelerator.'

"Life is so much easier since I brought the XL Robovax for Clive."

'Maybe putting 'Sleep 20 Hours A Day' first on the list wasn't such a good idea.'

'Harold, I told you not to eat the last piece of pie!'

'Certainly you may come in for a drink. You live here.'

"I'll be on the porch, pushing ninety."

'I'm really thirsty.'

"Can I turn off the game and set the table? Ha, ha! Oh, honey, you are hilarious!"

Enthralled by the appealing throw pillows, Barry never saw the fighting pillow coming.

"I’ve changed my mind. I no longer want to conquer the world. I just want to conquer those two..."

Clown has hit wife with custard pie. Marriage guidance counsellor says: 'Does he end every argument like this?'

"I can't sleep... it's too warm in here."

'George, I can't sleep with a window shade flapping! Get up and fix it!'

Hi love...one less for tea tonight

"Now batting, No. 2, Derek Jeter—No. 2. Happy now, nut job?"

"For God's sake! Let the man have his simple pleasures."

"Please don't go!"

'Oh, well done dear. I'll just go and clear a space in the freezer for it.'