Domestic Humor Fan Pillows

'It's $50 for fixing the sink, and $300 for babysitting your husband.'

"Know what we need? We need a house wine."

You can't beat a spin dry!

'Maybe putting 'Sleep 20 Hours A Day' first on the list wasn't such a good idea.'

"I only make that muck for you, I've ordered myself a pizza."

'Oh, well done dear. I'll just go and clear a space in the freezer for it.'

"Just spring cleaning."

Did you remember the mousse?

'Stop feeding your dinner to the dog - Do you want to poison him?'

Sick wife teaches husband to use can-opener

'Well, how long will the MOT take then?'

"I don't care if it is your job. If you issue me with that ticket, don't bother coming home tonight!"

"The remote you're looking for is in the garbage you promised to take out."

"Betty, who will I be voting for?"

'And in local news: Bored housewife sells TV to buy crack.'

"I asked my husband 'Would you let a billionaire businessman have me for one night only?' He said 'I'm sure he could get his ironing done cheaper than that!'"

"The blow drier is broken."

"Don't you DARE float your head when I'm speaking to you!"

"I can't sleep... it's too warm in here."

"You're a good sort, Ellen, but I do miss old Rover."

"Eve, you put my favorite pants in the salad"

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

"Did you make all these 911 calls?"

"He treated the au-pair girl just like one of the family. That's why she left."

'You're lucky. My wife won't let me have a man cave.'

'Certainly you may come in for a drink. You live here.'

'He'll do the dishes now that I've attached an accelerator.'

"I know I'm talking to myself. But it's the one sensible conversation I have all day."

'Your wife came by and left a message'

Bull arrives home to find his dinner's in his wife's second stomach

'You think more of that bloomin' dog...than you do of me!'

A baby biting a boys wristwatch

"Please don't go!"

Anti-Vacs

"I’ve changed my mind. I no longer want to conquer the world. I just want to conquer those two..."