Home Humor Fan Pillows

'What was all that yelling outside?'

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

The Brothers Grime

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

10 K Tail-Chase

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

Suffering from Cooties?

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

"Were we expecting a baby?"

The Snooze Bar.

Beer Parasol.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

tRUMp, Pirate President

No, I don

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

Yard Sale

'Joe has been partying hard!'

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

Presidential surveillance ass!"

"Mom, are you sure I'm not adopted?"

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'