Home Humor Fan Gifts

'What was all that yelling outside?'

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

The Brothers Grime

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

Suffering from Cooties?

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

Beer Parasol.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

Yard Sale

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

The bird feeder.

"Mom, are you sure I'm not adopted?"