Home Hilarity Fan Gifts

Cat scratching chair. Chair falls on cat.

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Yard Sale

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

"And I suppose you forgot to bring home the milk."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

"The blow drier is broken."

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

'He'll do the dishes now that I've attached an accelerator.'

There were a million things Alexander Hamilton hadn't done

Search for Missing Socks

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'Maybe putting 'Sleep 20 Hours A Day' first on the list wasn't such a good idea.'

'Certainly you may come in for a drink. You live here.'

Carpet Cows

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

"I told you not to leave without taking out the garbage!"

'You may be the CEO of a large corporation, but at home you're an OMW, observe my whims!'

VARIOUS ITEMS OF LABELLED KITCHENWARE.

"I can't sleep... it's too warm in here."

"Please don't go!"

"I’ve changed my mind. I no longer want to conquer the world. I just want to conquer those two..."

Need something from the fridge? This looks like a job for...Indoorman!

'Dang! The water's expired.' (Spring Water).