Domestic Hilarity Enthusiast Gifts

"Don't panic, it's not your dinner, it's the television."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

"Mulch madness"

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

"And I suppose you forgot to bring home the milk."

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"What's all this?"

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

'He'll do the dishes now that I've attached an accelerator.'

"Life is so much easier since I brought the XL Robovax for Clive."

'How many times do I have to tell you about putting the toilet seat back up?'

"The blow drier is broken."

'Maybe putting 'Sleep 20 Hours A Day' first on the list wasn't such a good idea.'

"I'll be on the porch, pushing ninety."

'I'm really thirsty.'

'Certainly you may come in for a drink. You live here.'

"I told you not to leave without taking out the garbage!"

'Harold, I told you not to eat the last piece of pie!'

Hi love...one less for tea tonight

"Quit with that racket - you're scaring the fish."

"Now batting, No. 2, Derek Jeter—No. 2. Happy now, nut job?"

"For God's sake! Let the man have his simple pleasures."

"I can't sleep... it's too warm in here."

Enthralled by the appealing throw pillows, Barry never saw the fighting pillow coming.

"Can I turn off the game and set the table? Ha, ha! Oh, honey, you are hilarious!"

'George, I can't sleep with a window shade flapping! Get up and fix it!'

Clown has hit wife with custard pie. Marriage guidance counsellor says: 'Does he end every argument like this?'

"Please don't go!"

"I’ve changed my mind. I no longer want to conquer the world. I just want to conquer those two..."