Domestic Humor Aficionado Gifts

"I'm going away for the weekend. Would you mind feeding my husband?"

'Don't bother your father. He tried to fold a fitted sheet.'

"God, Maria, when are you going to learn to cook!"

'Things are gonna change now that I'm here! I want this place spotless! Do you hear me, Adam?'

'So, I have a few drinks in the afternoon. Your dinner's always on the table when you get in from work, isn't it?'

Lazy eye at home

'Your Honor, I'd like to change my place in the henpecking order.'

"We broke our promise to not talk politics around the house, so we sold the house."

"You've become clutter."

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"Mulch madness"

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

"And I suppose you forgot to bring home the milk."

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"What's all this?"

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"The blow drier is broken."

'How many times do I have to tell you about putting the toilet seat back up?'

'He'll do the dishes now that I've attached an accelerator.'

There were a million things Alexander Hamilton hadn't done

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

"Life is so much easier since I brought the XL Robovax for Clive."

'Maybe putting 'Sleep 20 Hours A Day' first on the list wasn't such a good idea.'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

'Harold, I told you not to eat the last piece of pie!'