Domestic Hilarity Aficionado Gifts

"Nu-uh! Get back here and pick up after yourself!"

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"Mulch madness"

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"What's all this?"

"And I suppose you forgot to bring home the milk."

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

There were a million things Alexander Hamilton hadn't done

"Life is so much easier since I brought the XL Robovax for Clive."

'How many times do I have to tell you about putting the toilet seat back up?'

'He'll do the dishes now that I've attached an accelerator.'

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

"The blow drier is broken."

'Maybe putting 'Sleep 20 Hours A Day' first on the list wasn't such a good idea.'

"I told you not to leave without taking out the garbage!"

'Certainly you may come in for a drink. You live here.'

'Harold, I told you not to eat the last piece of pie!'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

"I'll be on the porch, pushing ninety."

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."